Don’t see this movie. That’s my advice to you. “But why” you might say “didn’t it make hundreds of millions of dollars?” These would be reasonable questions to ask because, yes, this nearly two and a half hour long train wreck did make millions upon millions of dollars at the box office. But you know who else made a lot of money? A guy named Bernie Madoff. And actually, now that I mention it, I think the families of those who lost money because of that A-hole would agree with me – assuming they still had some money left to see the movie for themselves- when I say that while Mr. Madoff is serving his 150 year jail sentence he should be forced to watch this movie everyday. It might be the only way justice can truly be served. Sound ridiculous? Perhaps it does, one thing of which I’m sure, though, is that it can’t be any more ridiculous than the movie itself (Kevin's hit job continued below clip...).
Is Megan Fox an Erecticon?
I don’t want to tell you too much about Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen – not because I don’t want to spoil it for you, but rather because if I think about it for too long my head starts to hurt. Transformers 2 tells the story of Sam (Shia Lebeouf) who, after seemingly defeating the Decepticons in the first installment of this series, is ready to go off to college like any normal 18 year old with a car that is really a space alien would. He thinks he’s leaving the fight against robots behind but thanks to a shard of something-or-other from the first movie the bad alien robots track him down and begin to wreak havoc around the world. Sam is enlisted to fight back by Optimus Prime who himself ends up being “killed”, disappointing all. Luckily there is this thing called the Matrix of Leadership that, when inserted into Optimus, brings him back to life. This is pretty convenient except for the fact that the Matrix has another, somehow far more ridiculous, use in that it can be plugged into the machine hidden in one of the Great Pyramids in Egypt that is capable of blowing up the sun. This is of course unacceptable to all but the Decepticons so Sam and the gang, including the super-hot but not-hot-enough-to-save-this-film Megan Fox, put a stop to it. That’s all the more I want to say about the plot of this crap-fest.
I understand that robots from outer space are inherently ridiculous so no one should go into the theater to see Transformers and expect a lesson in realism but sheesh, I don’t think I could have been more disappointed. The movie lacked cohesion in terms of both dialogue and plot, and the special effects people rave so much about were not even all that impressive. It was almost as if the writers of this movie sat down to put together a script and when they were even the slightest bit stumped as to where to go next someone in the room piped in and said “hey, let’s just put a big explosion in here. Or, how about robot fight!?”; and since the main objective of this film was obviously to mesmerize pre-teens with shiny things and fire and to equally mesmerize slightly older people with Megan Fox’s slow-motion running skills and the jiggles that come with it, everyone else around the conference table was just like “O.K., yeah, that’s would be awesome.” Next thing you know, these folks are counting their money, as America’s youth got a little dumber. Joker is the only card I can give this movie in good conscience and please – I cannot stress this enough – heed my advice from the beginning of this review and DO NOT see this movie.
